The #PostBadBeards Struggle Is REAL: Why I'm Not Mad At Fake Beards


Earlier today, I came across a discussion on the homie Demetria Lucas's Facebook page which dealt with the beard enhancement industry. Most of us are familiar with bigen — where men with thinning hair use spray-on to make their beards and hairlines look more full — but now there are actual beard weaves, beard lacefronts, and even beard wigs. Which is rifuckingdiculous. But…I get it.

Although "light-skinned points," "big booty points," "long hair points," "tall points," "big dick points," and "he has a job points" are well established and generally acknowledged within the Black community, "man hair points" — where men are given extra attractiveness points just for having a full beard or long dreadlocks — are just as common. Just as many Black men lose all common sense when seeing a lightskinned woman with a big butt — even if she actually looks like Drake with a lacefront — many Black women lose their common sense when seeing a guy with long locs or a nice beard — even if he actually looks like one of the construction workers from Fraggle Rock.


So knowing that, in the eyes of many Black women, a #badbeard can make a Black man jump from a 5 to a 8, it's understandable why there'd be a #badbeard enhancement industry. Because the difference between a 5 and an 8 can mean a co-sign on a car loan or even a choice to swallow. And if a #badbeard is all that's standing between you and a low interest rate and/or award-winning fellatio, I understand the need to invent one.

I don't agree, but I understand.

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About the author

Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB and a columnist for His debut memoir in essays, What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Blacker (Ecco/HarperCollins), is available for preorder.