NBC screenshot

Four thoughts about Barry White Jr. — a fifth grade literary teacher at Charlotte's Ashley Park Elementary School who has a different dap for every student in each of his three classes.

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1. I have not been to the Blacksonian yet. So someone who has been there should tell me if there's a wing there specifically dedicated to people who can conceive of, cultivate, and memorize numerous daps.

Why? Well, most people can only retain and recall on demand three-to-five different daps. And once you reach that five dap threshold, you just start repeating them. It's science. But there are dap mavens out there; truly gifted-handed men and women with the ability to think of countless ways to greet people and remember each of these greetings, and they deserve recognition.

Whitman College basketball coach Stephen Garnett would be there. As would Jazz from The Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air. And someone would need to make room for Barry White Jr.

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2. The next time someone asks how old I am, I'll tell them I'm "Literally Just Got Winded From Just Watching This Young Teacher Dude Perform All These Elaborate and Energetic-Ass Daps" years old.

3. And yeah, if I were one of the other teachers at Ashley Park Elementary, and the kids were like "Mr. Young, why come you don't have any different daps for us?", I'd have no shame in replying "Because I like milkshakes and pancakes too much little nigga. Mr. White brings dap. Mr. Young brings donuts. Now open your textbook, grab a bear claw, and get this biology work!"

4. The dap with the only student in the clip who looks to be White was the least elaborate one. And nope, I have no further commentary about that. Nada words. Zilch insights.