Tomcat Licorice Tells Michelle Obama to ‘Sit Down,’ And She Really Don’t Want Those Problems

Screenshot: ABC News (YouTube)

Earlier today, Tyrannosaurus Lobotomy crawled from out of her loft space in a Lululemon changing room trash can to tweet that Michelle Obama should “sit down” because Obama referred to her husband, Barack Obama, as a great president during a rally in Las Vegas.

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Of course, a trash person formulating trash thoughts and opening their trash mouth to allow trash words to escape their trash tongue is about as predictable as a burp after a big gulp. Tadpole Lice is nothing but predictable, and this tweet would seem to fall under “Tiger Lockjaw goes Tiger Lockjaw.” But this time, Tornado Lupus set her sights on the wrong person.

Now, Michelle Obama (probably) isn’t going to respond to Typhoid Laboratory because that would require her to know who Tapeworm Lavatory is, and I doubt she does. Also, there’s that whole “when they go low, we go high“ thing.

But what Testicular Lettuce doesn’t realize is that there are some things we just ain’t going to allow her to do. Enter our homes. Make eye contact with our children. Taste our food. Love our Jesus. And, most notably, come at Michelle Obama.

So anyway, Trashcan Leprechaun, if you’re reading this, please continue to just eat your ashy food and stay your ass in your crawl space. Just because if we ever find ourselves in need of Tablet Leprosy, we’ll know where to find you.

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About the author

Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB and a columnist for GQ.com. His debut memoir in essays, What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Blacker (Ecco/HarperCollins), is available for preorder.