It's all come down to this. Fight night. The big kahuna. Walla wall bing bang. It's the moment of truth where Blackness has come 'round the bend.
It's time to put the kids to bed and determine, who has the #blackestname in America. Is it, the queen of WTFificence, Va'Shaundya Karlette Nelson aka Shaunie O'Neal, or is the man who would be king, D'Brickashaw Ferguson.
To bring this battle to the mainstream, a few of the VSB writers decided to offer there opinion on who would take the crown. I also asked some folks in the street. What you are about to read is mostly true and also mostly made up. Hey, if Chris Rock can serve chicken at the BET Awards, then I can say what I want to. I smoke crack in the bathroom.
Without further ado, The Opinioners
Va'Shaundya Karlette Nelson - Winning a random blackest name tourney when puppetmastering colored girls to throw drinks at each other ain't enuf. #blackgirlmagic - Cheekie/Tonja
Va'Shaundya Karlette Nelson. Look. If that ain't the Blackest name in America, then I am Iggy Azalea's stunt double. At birth, her parents endowed her with all of the key elements of Stereotypical Black Name Greatness. She's got an apostrophe. She's got a Y. She's got a feminized version of a male name, which is inherently awesome. She shares a last name with Prince? AND she's the ringleader of a Horrible Black Behavior Circus? (Maury WHO?) Shiiiiit. Gon' head and clap it up for the owner of the greatest post-slavery name in America. - Alex Hardy
Va'Shaundya has to be crowned the Blackest name in America. Or else the terrorists win. Not only does it have the quintessential Va prefix (could have easily been La, Da, Ta) and meaningless apostrophe, but its also unnecessarily compounded. Shaunie's parents could have stopped at VaShaun/Va'Shaun, Shaundya, Shaunda, Shaundy, Shauny/Shaunie but nooo- they had to combine them all into one overly-compounded, Black ass name. That has the nerve to be followed by a middle name - because why the hell not? - Gem
I'm gonna go with the dark horse here and go all in on D'Brickashaw Ferguson. Why? Because Obama told me that I need to be my brother's keeper. Because I believe that children are the future. Because I have an inside track into the streets…and the streets told me that 1) D'Brickashaw is a family name 2) He goes by Brick (the streets being "black people I know that went to UVA with him"). The fact that D'Brickashaw has a history, nay a LEGACY behind it is enough to put it over the top for me. Also, a guy with the word Brick in his name went on to become a 300-plus pound Pro-Bowl left tackle. His parents basically named his truth into existence and for that he gets a thousand magical negro points. - Shamira aka God SHAMMgod
I want D'Brickashaw Ferguson to win, I really do, because it's an awesome name. It's a real name that sounds like a nickname given for doing something crazy like smashing a house down with bare fists. But the more I kept on reading and saying out loud, Va'Shaundya Karlette Nelson, the more I couldn't deny our true champion. You know your real name is black when the shortened name is still black, like instead of fried chicken, you ask for baked fried chicken.
Va'Shaundya Karlette Nelson is our champion for the blackest name in America, people. I'm calling it now even if I don't know how to pronounce her name correctly. - Jozen
Seeing as I think both of these names are the.most.ridiculous.shit.ever. it's a tough call. But I'm going to go with the triumph of spirit that is Va'Shaundya Karlette Nelson. The Karlette is really what puts it over the top for me. I appreciate it. I respect it. I want to lay with it ask it if its everywhere it wants to be. I want to cook that name breakfast then not tell anybody I know it. I want to take Va'Shaundya to brunch and put it on a table then turn on Snootie Wild's "Yayo" and watch it twerk for the Vine. I feel that strongly about it and for that reason, I think its the name that can't lose. - Panama
Who the f*ck are these people? - My mother
What's wrong with you? What's wrong with y'all? You niggas are crazy! - Angry Black pastor
Don't you ever in your life say those names to me again. I feel like if you say Va'Shaundya again, somebody will end up pregnant. Stop it. - Cousin Dutres
D'Brickashaw. Yeah, I know a dude named E'Brickashu. Good guy. Makes good money at the dice games. So yeah, put me down for D'Brickashaw. We bettin' right? - Other cousin LeRay
There's a time to vote and a time to laugh; a time to be Black and a time to laugh at other's Blackness. Now is that time.
Vote early, vote as often as it allows. It's time to crown our winner!
- Va'Shaundya Karlette Nelson (Shaunie O'Neal) (69%, 410 Votes)
- D'Brickashaw Ferguson (31%, 181 Votes)