VSB Presents: The #Blackestname In America Tournament, Round 2, Day 1

VSB

10 observations from the last few days (from Twitter):

1. Nothing has ever been or will ever be Blacker than the email thread where we nominated names. That was prime Blackness. Blackness nirvana.

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2. The athletes' bracket was the hardest to narrow down. Could have had an entire bracket just for SEC football players at Alabama schools.

3. Learned that Pittsburgh Steeler Antonio Brown named his child Autonomy. I am in love with Black people.

4. Although it will not win the tournament, I maintain that Rufus Arthur Johnson (Bizarre from D12) is the Blackest name on Earth.

5. My fiancee joked that, if we had girls, we should name them Ebony, Jet, and Essence. I don't have the heart to tell her that I agree.

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6. Dwyane Wade is the tournament's biggest enigma, evidenced by a comment from "Afronica"

"I just now noticed the y before the a in his name. My eye refused to see it. A name that creates optical illusions? Totally Black"

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7. Majestic Mapp beating Chauncey Ray Billups is the biggest upset of the first round.

8. Panama wanted the PDF to show each game was in Atlanta. I suggested Gary, Memphis, Detroit and Newark. Huny said no both of us. Huny hates Black people.

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9. Remember, if needing a reason to love America, remember that someone named Shaquille O'Neal met and married someone named Va’Shaundya Karlette Nelson here.

10. Obie Trice is the real name of the rapper Obie Trice. Also, his name is actually Obie Trice III. Which means there were two before him.

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Anyway, on to round 2:

The Black People You Know Bracket

#1 Va’Shaundya Karlette Nelson VS #9 Leon Jenkins

  • Va’Shaundya Karlette Nelson (69%, 410 Votes)
  • Leon Jenkins (31%, 185 Votes)

Will be hard for Leon Jenkins to pull the upset. But you never bet against a Leon. Cause a Leon will shank you.

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#2 Linnethia Monique "NeNe" Leakes VS #7 Lashontae Heckard

  • Linnethia Monique "NeNe" Leakes (83%, 484 Votes)
  • Lashontae Heckard (17%, 100 Votes)

I'm still not completely sure who either of these people are.

#3 Mendeecees Harris and Yandy Smith VS #6 Ashanti Shequoiya Douglas

  • Ashanti Shequoiya Douglas (56%, 327 Votes)
  • Mendeecees Harris and Yandy Smith (44%, 256 Votes)

Yandy is my favorite reality show character. She just seems…normal. Well, normal until you remember her name is Yandy.

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#4 Kelendria Trene Rowland VS #5 Jermajesty Jackson

  • Jermajesty Jackson (69%, 401 Votes)
  • Kelendria Trene Rowland (31%, 179 Votes)

Considering the names of each of the members of Destiny's Child, you have to wonder if they asked Michelle Williams to be in the group just because her name looks better on credit applications.

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The Rappers Bracket

#1 Nayvadius Cash (Future) VS #8 Tauheed Epps (2 Chainz)

  • Nayvadius Cash (Future) (85%, 484 Votes)
  • Tauheed Epps (2 Chainz) (15%, 88 Votes)

Making Brackets, Eating Oatmeal at the Same Damn Time! Saying Names, Getting Stumbled, at the Same Damn Time.

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#2 Cymphonique Miller VS #10 Vyshonn King Miller

  • Cymphonique Miller (86%, 493 Votes)
  • Vyshonn King Miller (14%, 82 Votes)

Oh shit. The first tournament matchup pitting family members against each other. I'm sure Master P is sitting in a Gucci-lined treehouse right now, grinning from ear to ear.

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#3 Algernod Lanier Washington (Plies) VS #6 Lakeem “Ali” Mattox, Donquez “Quez” Woods, Harold “Strap” Duncan (Travis Porter)

  • Algernod Lanier Washington (Plies) (51%, 286 Votes)
  • Lakeem “Ali” Mattox, Donquez “Quez” Woods, Harold “Strap” Duncan (Travis Porter) (49%, 279 Votes)
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Really want Piles to win, just because I'm tired of typing in all the members of Travis Porter's names when making these polls.

#4 Keenon Daequan Ray Jackson (YG) VS #5 Dequantes Lamar (Rich Homie Quan)

  • Keenon Daequan Ray Jackson (YG) (51%, 289 Votes)
  • Dequantes Lamar (Rich Homie Quan) (49%, 277 Votes)

Yeah, I don't care either.

So yeah, vote. And, if you know people who love Black people as much as we do, tell em to vote too.

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(And download the PDF!)

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About the author

Damon Young

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB and a columnist for GQ.com. His debut memoir in essays, What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Blacker (Ecco/HarperCollins), is available for preorder.