Watch: A List of All the Things Straight Men Can’t Do Because It’s ‘Suspect’ (According to Wiz Khalifa and Many Others)

In a Breakfast Club interview in July, very tall Pittsburgher Wiz Khalifa expressed dismay at the horror of men eating bananas in public.

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From Page Six:

“You gotta break it in half,” Khalifa, 30, told host Charlamagne Tha God. “If you bite into a banana, you sus[pect].”

When Charlamagne began to protest that “it’s just fruit,” Khalifa didn’t budge.

“You gotta break it in pieces bro,” he said. “If you a n—a, n—-s gotta break the banana in half. I’m just trying to help you out, bro. If you’re in public, just break it into pieces.”

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Wiz’s virulent bananaphobia reminded me of all of the things I’ve heard (from men and women) that straight black men shouldn’t do because it somehow makes us “suspect”—even though, if you’re eating a fucking banana, the only suspicion anyone should have is, “I guess that guy just really likes fruit.” (Or maybe,I suspect he has regular bowel movements.”)

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB, a contributing opinion writer for The New York Times, and the author of What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Blacker (Ecco/HarperCollins)

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DISCUSSION

“You gotta break it in half,” Khalifa, 30, told host Charlamagne Tha God. “If you bite into a banana, you sus[pect].”

Bullcrap.  

I’ll eat my bananas any which way I choose. I’ll even put them on the BBQ grill while still in the peel and eat them after a minute or two.

I also eat Moon Pie and RC Cola, which was considered a real lunch and/or dinner back in the day. Especially with peanuts in the cola.  That’s real man’s food.