Post-racial turducken Rachel Dolezal is back in the news today. But not, surprisingly, for buying a pair of wings and some feathers from a Halloween store, going to a Spokane zoo, and trying to convince everyone she's an ostrich. No, this time it's because Rihanna offered her thoughts on Dolezal in a Vanity Fair profile. And when Rihanna offers her thoughts on you, it apparently matters. Rihanna is The Master from The Strain.
“I think she was a bit of a hero, because she kind of flipped on society a little bit. Is it such a horrible thing that she pretended to be black? Black is a great thing, and I think she legit changed people’s perspective a bit and woke people up.”
You know that face people make when they're standing in a long-ass line at the post office, and the person currently at the counter starts asking for extra stamps and shit to mail his bitch ass letters? That's the face much of Black America made this morning when first hearing about this.
But, after reading the passage again, I think we all have the wrong idea. We're reading this and thinking of "hero" in the traditional context. As we know, Rihanna has spent quite a bit of time in New York City. If I'm not mistaken, I think she actually owns a home there. New Yorkers famously (and annoyingly) refer to the big sandwiches normal people call "hoagies" as "heroes." Rihanna wasn't saying Rachal Dolezal is a "person who is admired or idealized for courage, outstanding achievements, or noble qualities." No, like many who've spent more than 17 consecutive minutes in New York City, she thinks she's a New Yorker. And she's calling Dolezal a "type of sandwich that consists of a long roll of bread split widthwise into two pieces, and filled with a variety of meats, cheeses, vegetables, seasonings, and sauce."
With that new knowledge, look how much more sense her statement makes. Let's read it again.
“I think she was a bit of a hero sandwich, because she kind of flipped on society a little bit. Is it such a horrible thing that she, this hero sandwich woman, pretended to be black? Black is a great thing, and I think she legit changed people’s perspective a bit and woke people up.”