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This past Saturday, a riot broke out during the New Hampshire Pumpkin Festival, resulting in police releasing tear gas and pepper spray into the crowd. Expletives (and allegedly, beer cans and bottles) were hurled at police. Arrests were made. Somehow, though, no one was killed for it. Maybe the true magic safety color here is orange? Hmmm.

Obviously, many people made comparisons to the protests in Ferguson (and how they were handled) to the actually-should-be-classified-as-riots in Keene, New Hampshire. Perhaps Black folks should consider speaking out more on somewhat trivial issues. Maybe that’s the key!

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Such as…

1. Creating a Bottomless Mimosa Festival and gathering to celebrate the blessing that is unlimited orange juice and champagne, and breaking a bunch of goblets when the mimosas are deemed "too weak."

2. Attending a Brunch BBQ and rioting when they've run out of pulled pork pancakes.

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3. Spearheading a National Wobble Day and setting cars on fire when the music cuts out mid-wobble.

We forgot a tiny detail. You have to be White to do all of the above and maintain your “alive” status. Or, maybe orange.

Roll Call is a daily collection of interesting news stories, articles, blogs, and thinkpieces, curated by Tonja Stidhum and Natalie Degraffinried. They both have big hair, but they are not the same person.