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There is literally nothing — not The Strain, not Dwight Howard playing basketball — more boring, more tedious, and more cliche than the Black person who spends much of their internet time talking shit about "Black people" collectively in a way that lets you know they either don't actually know very many actual Black people or just plain hate Black people. They are, to be frank, the basicest of the basic motherfucker.

You know where to find them. They exist on message boards, Facebook, Twitter, and anywhere else they have space to spread their gospel of anti-Blackness disguised as insight and epiphany. Perhaps today they can be found tweeting about how Blacks who excel in school are regularly ostracized by other Blacks. Maybe tomorrow you'll see them starting and/or sharing shitty memes devised to talk more shit on Black people but disguised as self-determination. Maybe Thursday you'll see them secreting sentences on how Black women prefer thugs to dudes with nice boatshoes. And maybe Friday they'll say something about recently released prisoners getting more love from Black people than new college graduates — something that, in three decades of being Black in America, I've never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever seen happen. (And I'm from the hood!!! Like, the real, actual, hood. Where people were killed literally right in front of my house. Which means I've seen everything. But I've never seen that.)


Perhaps hate is too strong of a word. Maybe these people don't carry white hot Black people animus in their hearts. But they do seem to actually believe some of the worst stereotypes about us, and also seem to be so embarrassed by and ashamed of us that they have no problem repeating them. And it is utterly fascinating how rote and predictable they are. You'd assume that a Black person with unpopular (and unright) things to say about Black people would be, at the very least, interesting. That you'd have fun debating them, and wouldn't even terribly mind grabbing a beer with one. But I've yet to encounter an anti-Black Black person who wasn't the human equivalent of almond milk.

I'm also aware there are people out there responsible for the creation of those people. People who said or did something that began the process of turning a plain ole Black person into an anti-Black one. Maybe you teased one for being "smarty arty" in 8th grade. Maybe you didn't offer one immediate impromptu fellatio after you learned they graduated from college. If you are one of these people, and you happen to be reading this today, please stop. Whatever the hell you did or are currently doing to create these charm and charisma-less motherfuckers spamming our lives with shitty memes and bad recipe tips, please stop doing it. Stop making these people, people!