Chris Brown and Karrueche Tran (Noam Galai/Getty Images)
Chris Brown and Karrueche Tran (Noam Galai/Getty Images)

1. Because Drake — who, all things considered, is having perhaps the best year in lightskinneded history — is involved.

2. Because for all of the blatantly violent, sexist, and misogynistic music that has flooded our airwaves in the past half-decade, "Marvin's Room" is easily the most lecherous. And, admittedly, the most genius. It's a song sung by a person who doesn't want a woman, doesn't want her to know he doesn't want her, but also doesn't want her to want anyone but him. He is a fucking asshole. Basically, if this song were a person, it would be an eleven-year-old El DeBarge doppelganger with a shitty shadow stache and a "girlfriend" in each grade.


And, when a person creates a song like "Marvin's Room," flying his rival's gf up to Toronto for gallery crawls and quiche is perfectly within his realm of possibility.

3. Because, considering the source, there's a 92.4% chance Kaleidoscope and Drake never actually dated.

4. Because — and I'm going say this even though I know I shouldn't say this — there's a certain level of crazy that only lightskinneded men are able to achieve. It's what happens when you combine legit crazy with the entitlement that comes with being told you're cute your entire life and being overcompensatingly crazy because you're aware lightskinneded guys are considered by many to be soft. Basically, you become Delonte West.

Chris Brown is lightskinneded crazy. And, when you're lightskinneded crazy, things like "You know I cheated multiple times, but I'm mad at you for maybe, possibly cheating on me" make sense.


5. Because all of this happened on Instagram. Besides texturizer spray and the Durango boot, no invention has brought as much joy to lightskinneded men.

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB, a columnist for, and the author of What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Blacker (Ecco/HarperCollins)

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