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I will never forget where I was and what I was doing the day I learned a steroid-stuffed man who named himself "Hulk" and became famous by voluntarily having his head slammed into barriers, ropes, poles, chairs, feet, knees, and livestock 30 times a day for 20 years straight said something offensive. I do not know how much further I can go on from here. Food no longer has any taste. Water just runs through me, like a dam-less creek of orphaned kitten tears. The air feels like a thousand hellbound needles pricking my spine. I try to speak words and dust comes out. And then, sometimes, a wild, lust-filled cackle. My purpose is vanquished; my soul tarnished; my essence obliterated. I may never take another shit.

I am devastated. The news about the Hulk man has devastated me. And I will never be the same again.