Photo: Chip Somodevilla (Getty Images)

Look at this shiftless and triflin’ fuck. Sitting in the front row of a funeral, with the world’s attention on him—hundreds of millions of eyes, perhaps—and he looks like a 6th grader whose parents dragged him to Les Miserables on ice. He’s the leader of the free world (shit), and he couldn’t even bother to sit up straight, this jive-ass bitch.

And, if you think I chose a particularly unflattering image of Donald Trump to express my point, you wouldn’t be wrong. You also wouldn’t be right. It is unflattering, but there is nothing particularly unflattering about it. All pictures of him today suck equally, just as all pictures do, generally. He also sat, for several minutes, with his arms crossed, as if he was shielding himself from Hillary Clinton’s telekinesis. There’s also footage where this shithead seems to be sleep. I know corporal punishment is bad, but if there were ever a snot in need of an open-hand smack from an auntie, it’s this analog motherfucker.

Perhaps I’d consider being more kind if Trump were dealing with an illness or ailment that left him unable to not sit and look like a Garbage Pail Kid. But according to his doctor (heh), his health is “astonishingly excellent.” It’s not health that he lacks, it’s couth. He is couth deficient. Couth repellent. Couth avoidant. Couth impaired. Couth meager. Couth weak.

He is also president.